The first week of being home is a serious blur. The jet lag wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I had heard some people say that it was like having the flu and it didn't ever feel like that. We were all just on a crazy schedule and no one was on the same one. After about three days of the kids not going to sleep at a normal hour I went out and bought melatonin for everyone. Drops, gummies, chewables, pills - you name it, I bought it. That helped a ton, especially with the little ones and also getting me sleepy at the right time too. Josh, however, refused to take it and therefore didn't get his schedule straight for at least another two weeks. Shoulda listened to your wife - again!
One thing that helped us get on a normal schedule was to try and get outside in the sunshine for a little bit. It was still unbearably hot here in Texas during the day but after dinner it cooled off enough that we could get outside without melting. The little girls loved the trampoline!
G loves to be bounced - in your arms, on your lap, on the tramp, anywhere!
E tried out the swing for the first time.
"Wait, you mean you're going to push me and then let go, Dad?!"
"Well that's OK, I guess, because this is kinda fun!"
"Whoa, what's that C is playing on?!"
Then all the kids piled on the trampoline.
E's a fan of the trampoline too.
She is not a fan of being placed on someone's lap and being told to sit there long enough for a picture, however. Get used to it kid! This is the just beginning of a long life of mom pointing a camera at you!!
The little girls explored the backyard a little bit. Sometimes with the help of a big brother or sister.
The big kids tried out the shuttlecock toy we got in China. It's played with similarly to hackey sack but it looks more like a badminton birdie, or shuttlecock. It would have worked better if they had shoes on but who wears shoes in the backyard? Not any of my children apparently.
This little cutie likes to stick close to me most of the time, which is OK with me.
She may have been hanging out close to me because I was still finishing my dinner. We had some strawberries and watermelon and I was finishing mine. E did NOT like the strawberries but G. . .
Well, G is pretty much a fan of everything food-related. She is also a fan of playing peek-a-boo. All. The. Time.
Cutest. Thing. Ever. We are all pretty smitten with this dark-eyed beauty.
We turned the bike into a rocker and the girls had spent a while fighting over it. They both really liked the rockers at the playroom back in Guangzhou. I wish I'd remembered this turned into a rocker sooner!
I set G down in the grass just to see what her reaction would be. Uh, not enjoying it very much! I love that one foot up in the air. She never put it down!
Taking pictures of this may seem heartless and mean but my camera is really fast so she was only there for maybe 15 seconds! I swooped in and picked her up very quickly and she was happy as a clam again. I handed off the camera to Josh.
I tried to set her back in the grass right next to me to see if that would help. Not so much. Legs went straight out and she refused to stand.
We had a fun evening outside getting some much needed fresh air and watching the girls experience a few things for the first time. After coming back inside and getting the kids ready for bed we found a couple of mosquito bites on E that had already swelled up a bunch. Looks like she and C have something in common - Skeeter Syndrome! (It's an actual thing - google it.) C is finally growing out of it although he always gets bitten a ton when we're outside and even no one else is even touched! The bites don't swell up like crazy like they used to though. E seems to have the same thing and the two on the back of her left leg were huge, hot to the touch and very hard. Little did we know that it would only lead to other problems in a couple of days. . .
Fast forward a few days - we made the crazy decision to go to church the first Sunday we were back. The first Sunday that church moved to 9 a.m. no less! I blame my jet-lagged brain. Actually, we really wanted to go to church since we hadn't been in a whole month and we were definitely missing it. By no small miracle we made it to church on time! And even managed to stay for all three hours! G was falling asleep sitting upright in my arms on the way out though. Both girls did fantastically in nursery and Sacrament Meeting too for that matter. We were pleasantly surprised.
One good thing about having 9 a.m. church is that the rest of the day is free. After lunch and some naps we hung out for a little while. Daddy pulled out the guitar and the little girls were fascinated.
Grandma and Grandpa came over to meet the girls later that night. (They had meet Granny and Pops the night before but sadly I forgot my camera.) While they were there we had some popsicles. We gave one to E not knowing what she would think.
She jumped right in and took a taste.
And another. She definitely liked it. She doesn't seem to be as weirded out by cold things here as much as she was in China. She will even drink her milk cold now.
G waited patiently for her turn. We figured she wouldn't like it and possibly wouldn't even try it after our attempts in China.
But she reached right for it and looked excited about it.
"Oo-oo-oo! I want one!"
"Yeah, that's right. Hand it over, buddy."
"Wait. That doesn't feel like I thought it would. It's cold. Yuck."
"Nevermind, take it away!"
"Nope. No matter how many times you ask me, I am not going to touch that thing!"
"Aack! Don't let it touch me!"
"Oh no! Someone help! This guy is touching me AND he wants me to taste the cold thing!"
"Oh, wait a minute. That cold thing tastes GOOD! Maybe I could hold it all by myself."
"Oh, you tricky thing, you! You tried to fool me by being all cold and scary but you're actually REALLY yummy."
"That's right. I'm eating it now. Even after my little freak out. So?"
"It's still cold!"
"This cold stuff is pretty good, right, M?"
"Dad, I'm sorry. You were right. It IS super yummy!"
"Mom, you gonna get one?"
"See - this is how you do it. Stick out your tongue as far as it will go and then take a big lick."
"This top part is the best."
"That chunky one over there is crazy. I'm halfway done with mine! What is with the drama?"
"See - look how much I've eaten without complaining a bit."
"Oh yeah. This is SO good."
"M, are you all done? Here, I'll share with you."
"Come on. Take a lick. You know you want some of my delicious slobbery-melty-drippy-fudgy-mess."
"OK, fine. I'll eat it!"
And she did. The whole thing. Made herself a nice, big, fudge-covered little buddha. We all had lots of fun watching her too. She makes the best expressions while she's eating. Probably because she has a captive audience the whole time.
So how are the girls doing now that we are home? That's the question we hear most often. We've been home for a little over a month now and things have definitely improved. Here are a few things about each girl after a month home:
{G}
- She is sleeping pretty well at night and usually only wakes up once. She is sleeping in a crib in our room and when she wakes up I usually just roll over and tell her, "It's OK Gracie. Lay back down." and she totally will! I think she just wants to know that I'm right there in the room still.
- She definitely still prefers me but she'll go to Josh. There is rarely screaming when I leave the room, especially if Daddy's there, but on occasion it does still happen.
- She is still a really good eater and likes just about anything. She does not, however, like PB and J sandwiches and although she has eaten a couple, it has been a struggle to get her to eat those few. That and Life cereal are the only things she has flat out refused. She also doesn't like her milk cold. It has to be in a bottle and warm.
- She is starting to demonstrate a little more of her independence. She used to want to only sit on my lap and observe and do very little, if anything, else. Now she will scream and squirm while I'm trying to hold her so that she can get down and play with the toys.
- She has figured out what to do with toys. In China, we bought a few toys for the little ones to play with. She had no idea what to do with them. She would pick one up, look at it for a second, then hand it to me and wait patiently for me to hand it back to her. That was the extent of her playing. Now she can roll a ball back and forth, hug and rock a baby doll, she is trying to climb everything - the stairs, into the toy box, onto the couch, etc., she can build a tower out of blocks and loves to knock them down, stack rings, empty one cup of toys into another, play with puzzles and lots of other things.
- She isn't walking on her own yet but she can go from sitting to standing without the help of anyone or anything. She has also taken a couple of steps on her own but she's not really excited about it so she's not trying it much on her own.
- She has seen us trying to teach E a few signs and has learned them just by watching us. She can now sign 'please', 'eat', 'thank you' and she also tries to blow her nose on everything - her shirt, a kleenex, your shirt. A trick that we can also thank E for teaching her! She's also learned to say "uh-oh" after hearing/seeing E say it.
- She isn't really saying any words discriminately yet but she can say "Mama". She usually says that when she drops something and looks my way to pick it up for her. So maybe she does know what she's saying? She never says it any other time though so I'm not sold.
- She definitely knows her name and will look for whoever is calling her.
- She does not like to be told no and definitely has no idea what it means. She doesn't give up easily either. She often tries to touch something she shouldn't and I will move her hand away and she'll just put it right back. Repeat 8 gajillion times! She doesn't cry or anything like she's had her feelings hurt or been offended. She just looks at me like she has no clue what it means, which she probably doesn't.
- I have noticed that she's sucking her fingers less and less. She did it CONSTANTLY in China and now she's on the move so much she doesn't have a spare minute to suck on them. She will still do it if she's bored or waiting for something - like sitting in her carseat or waiting in her highchair. She usually does it while I'm rocking her to sleep but there have been a few times that she's just looked up at me and fallen asleep without it. She keeps those fingers in her mouth most of the night though and I can hear her barely sucking on them, although it's very loud, all night long.
{E}
- She has definitely been doing better with a routine. She has been taking a nap (for about 1 1/2 hours) every day and has been sleeping through the night well with only the occasional wake. She doesn't go to sleep very well with us holding her so she goes to bed wide awake and puts herself to sleep. We tried holding her and rocking her but it seriously takes hours to get her to sleep so we figured since putting herself to sleep has worked for her for almost 3 years why stop now? I feel pretty guilty about this as that time right before bed could be some good cuddle time but it just isn't feasible when it's only stimulating her more and not making her sleepy. We NEED her to go to sleep when the rest of the kids do. She needs it to. Josh usually puts her in bed while I am rocking G so he holds her for a little bit and sings her a song or two and then lays her down. She's so skinny her arms and her legs, all the way up, can fit through the rails. I often go in to check on her while she's sleeping and find her laying on her side with her belly up against the rails and her legs sticking completely out of the crib. It's pretty funny to walk in on. It's not even close to being tight on her and she's not getting stuck or anything. She's just super skinny and flexible!
- She likes Josh a lot more than she likes me. She will run right over to him with a big smile on her face when she sees him come home from work. Mom is just the lady that makes her get her diaper changed and tells her no 800 times a day. I'd prefer Daddy over me too! I'm really not complaining about this or bad-mouthing Josh. I'm glad she has someone she really likes and can smile a lot with. It will eventually happen with me too. But she is still pretty unattached to anyone and will freely go to anyone. She walked up to a perfect stranger (man) in Walmart the other night and tried to climb on his lap as he was squatting down to look at something on a low shelf. I was helping M look at the iPod cases for her to spend her allowance when E walked right over to him. I jumped up and caught her before she could actually climb into his lap.
- She is showing signs of developing some attachment or bond with us though. She will make better eye contact now, whereas in China it was impossible to get her to. We'd try, especially when we'd rock her to sleep, but she made sure to look everywhere but at us. She also will seek me out if she has a problem with a toy. She is getting a little better at letting us comfort her when she's hurt too. Usually when she gets hurt she displays anger and yells loudly at whatever hurt her. Like, one day she tripped on a tiny little step we have that leads from the entryway into the office. She tripped and fell to her knees and it probably hurt her toes as she was moving pretty fast. She immediately looked back at the steps and started hitting her feet and legs with her hands and yelling. The she stood up and stomped her feet several times and yelled some more. There are very rarely any tears associated with any of her tantrums. It's mostly just yelling in anger or frustration. Today though she bonked her knee on a toy and I was across the room and kind of saw it happen. She immediately yelled but looked right at me and started whining a little. She did try to hit the toy as I made my way over to her to comfort her but she freely came to me and let me comfort her with a hug. I was shocked that she even looked in my direction when she got hurt. We've been making a real effort to "catch" her getting hurt so that we can rush in and stop the self injury and comfort her with lots of hugs and kisses. I also try to make a big show of comforting G (who totally gets it and often whines at the tiniest little thing so I'll rush over to her - drama queen!) in front of E so that she sees what should happen. Hopefully it's finally sinking in. She will sit on our laps too but it has to be on her terms and only when she wants it, which is usually when I have another child on my lap. Of course.
- She also has started eating better. When we first got home we tried a few fresh fruits and she was not having any of it. I think it's mostly a texture thing and not a taste thing though. She will eat ANYTHING in a baby food pouch so we've stocked up on those and she gets those twice a day. Things like zucchini, banana and amaranth (what the heck is amaranth anyway?) she'll suck down in no time. I have yet to find a pouch that she'll turn away. We've gotten her to eat some softer fruits pretty well now though. She likes grapes and watermelon and will tolerate a strawberry slice or two now but anything like apples or pears she will pick up, look at, lick once or twice and then throw it on the floor. She did the same with carrots. It's not a cleft issue or not being able to bite through something hard either. I've tried cutting things up really small for her but that doesn't help either. She's doing a lot better at least trying what we put in front of her. Before she would flat out refuse but she'll at least try it now before throwing it. She's eating very well considering the complete upheaval of her little world. She can put away the food too. Sometimes I'm afraid she's going to puke she eats so much but she manages to keep it all in, thank goodness.
- We often forget that she even has a cleft - that's how unaffected her eating is. When I took her into the pediatrician for the first time she asked me what she was eating. I told her she was eating better and the pediatrician was shocked to learn that she can eat PB and J sandwiches without any problem at all. She thought it would have been a problem with the cleft. She hasn't gagged or had anything come out of her nose besides a little bit of milk in China, once. She has definitely figured out how to work around the cleft for eating in her short little life. We have an appointment in about two weeks with the craniofacial doctor that will assess her ear, jaw deformity and cleft. They should also be able to help with speech therapy and audiology eventually, too. I'm excited to get moving on this. It's hard not knowing exactly what the cause of her language delay/nonexistence is; is it the cleft or the hearing deficit or being raised in an institution or a combination of everything? I know he won't have all the answers but I'm confident at least a few of our questions can be answered.
- She is starting to let us have a little more control in her life. She isn't fighting EVERY. SINGLE. THING. like she was in China. There are definite moments where her stubbornness is made known and times that she will fight for control but I can tell she's understanding that we really are trying to help her most of the time. Diaper changing is always a fight. Even though she hates to sit in a messy diaper and wants it changed, it's still a fight. She does not want us to hold onto her legs or lift her bum in the air. I can't think of any other way to do it though! Wherever I try to put her hips on the new diaper she disagrees with too and will immediately twist her hips to the side. Always. She does not like to walk for very long but I've noticed that she is walking longer than she would in China. I think she's just gotten stronger and is better nourished so she has the energy to do it. She'll usually hold our hand while we're walking without a problem, but she also likes to go limp without notice anytime and anywhere. She thinks it's hilarious. We do not. She's already had one case of nursemaid's elbow too. We're not sure how it happened but I think it probably happened during a going limp episode. She woke up not moving her arm at all and crying one night. I'd noticed the night before that she cried a little when I put her jammies on the one arm but I thought she was just not wanting me to make her put her jammies on. Looking back I realize now that it probably hurt to put her jammies on. We didn't notice her not using that arm though after we got her dressed for bed. I figured that it was a dislocated elbow but took her to the Dr. just to make sure. Sure enough it was and the Dr. was able to pop it right back in place without any problem. E immediately started moving it again without hesitation. I'm sure it won't be the last time. I think she might be prone to them with as flexible as she is and how much she likes to throw herself around and go limp. It's probably just a matter of time, but we are making a conscious effort to not hold her by one arm or at the wrist at all. That's hard to do though when you're walking with her through a parking lot and she decides to play rag doll.
- She's understanding more and more. I know she understands her name, the word "no", shoes, stand up, sit, eat and "out of your mouth". Haha! She still puts most toys in her mouth and tries to chew on everything but it's getting better. She has learned to say "uh-oh" when something falls or she drops something. She can say a few other words but doesn't always use them in the right context or completely on her own, like "mama", "eye", "ear" and "more". Ear and more aren't pronounced correctly but she will point to her ears and make a specific vocalization and she'll repeat "more" when I prompt her to while we're having snacks. She can sign "please" and "thank you" and will also make some vocalizations while doing them but it's more of a syllabic hoot than an actual word. She also started saying "Hoo-ha-ha" a couple of weeks after we got home. It sounds just like on "Finding Nemo" so we often call her Sharkbait. Hahaha! I have no idea what she's actually trying to say and can't really figure out any specific times she uses it. It seems totally random.
- She plays OK on her own and can work puzzles, stacking cups, stacking rings and just about any other toy. She likes to play with Josh and I but she and G and S are constantly at odds. S has been the recipient of many bites and scratches and pushes but he's not without blame either. He's definitely relishing being the "older brother" (even though technically he's not!) and likes to boss her around. He's been known to push and kick and hit her too. They are definitely acting like siblings that are really close in age! She is doing better with sharing toys. If she sees a toy that is being played with by someone else she will find a different toy, hand that to the child to "trade" and then take the toy she wanted. She doesn't wait for them to respond with a yes or no to the trade she just makes them trade, but at least she's not outright stealing the toys, most of the time anyway.
- She loves to give kisses to everyone and gives really good hugs. She has some seriously sweet moments and for that we are extremely grateful. If G or S is crying she will come over to them, look at them with concern and try to pat them on the head or arm to comfort them. Usually she's also the cause of this crying, but at least she is showing compassion. That is definitely a good sign!
- Today she learned how to crawl out of her crib and open doors. All during nap time. Yeah, Mama wasn't very happy during nap time today. So she got put back to bed and finally went to sleep for about 30 minutes. Just enough time for Mama to make some special jammies for Houdini. I cut out some mitten shapes in fleece, sewed up the mittens and then sewed them to the arms of her jammies. I also constructed a nifty little band that I sewed between the legs of her jammies around the calf area. It connects to each leg and gives her enough length to walk in them but not lift her leg high enough to crawl out of the bed. Hopefully. I don't know what we'll do if she figures out a way around that. This child can pick a bandaid off of her face through a pair of socks and fleece mittens both on her hands. In mere seconds too!
- That brings me to the "other problems" I was referring to when I was talking about the mosquito bites. Since these bites get so huge they get very oozy for a couple of days and then finally scab over. We have discovered the cause of the many dark scars all over her legs: bug bites or scratches that she has picked at for several weeks and never had a chance to heal properly. This girl picks at EVERYTHING. I'm sure it's just a habit that she developed out of boredom in the orphanage. She does OK with just a band aid on her leg, face or wrist (which is where the bites she's gotten are at) during the day when I'm watching her but the second she's in her carseat - where I can't reach her and she knows it - or in her crib alone, those band aids get ripped off and the scab gets picked. Anytime she is "bored" that's what she goes to. I've tried to keep her fingernails short but it doesn't really seem to matter. No matter how short they are she can still pick at things. t tried a lot of different things the first few weeks - several band aids on the same spot, rings of band aids all the way around her leg, liquid bandage alone and with a regular band aid on top - she's managed to get it all off within minutes of being alone. Coband (the stretchy gauze stuff they wrap around your arm after you give blood) has worked pretty well on her leg in combination with wearing long pants everyday. The ones on her leg are finally healing - after six flipping weeks of this! I can't use the Coband on her face though. She had a couple of spots that weren't even bug bites on her chin that she managed to pick at enough so that they grew to the size of a pencil eraser each and she got a couple of mosquito bites on her cheek. Even after we doused her with bug spray! So I've been rubbing antibiotic ointment on all of those several times a day and that seems to keep it from getting too crusty for her to pick at. They seem to be healing well now too. For a while there she was covered in band aids or the Coband and I'm sure there were lots of people wondering what the heck had happened to her as we were out and about. We've also been duct-taping mittens to her long-sleeved footed jammies every night because I only had one pair of mittens that were small enough for her and didn't want to sew them to one pair of jammies. The duct tape and Coband have worked and all her sores are healing it just takes lots of work and lots of duct tape (twice a day) and lots of Coband and band aids. Hopefully this new arrangement will work better. *Ha! I just went in and checked on her after typing all that and she had managed to pull her arm out of the mitten by biting on it and stretching out the sleeve of her pajamas. Duct tape to the rescue again. Just a small band of it around her wrists so she can't pull her hand through. Sheesh! She hasn't gotten out of the crib though, yet.*
- She has definitely gained some weight since we've been home. I can tell just by looking at all these pictures from six weeks ago. We did take both girls in for a check up at the pediatrician the first week we were home. They are both well below average on the growth charts. E didn't even make it onto the growth charts in height and weight for her age! She'll probably always be tiny but I can tell she's already gaining some weight.
All in all, we're doing OK. It has been really hard - probably the hardest thing we've ever done but we didn't think it was going to be easy. We've had lots of offers of help, which we are extremely grateful for but there's really nothing that anyone else can help with right now. It's all work that has to be done by Josh and I. It's definitely been eye-opening for both of us. These trials have a way of shining a light on the places you need the most work in and we both feel like a big ol' huge spotlight is shining on PATIENCE right now. Or our lack thereof. We're grateful to have the knowledge that these two little girls were meant for our family. There is no doubt in either of our minds about that - even in the most difficult times. I'm so grateful for my wonderful supportive husband. There is no one else on earth that I would rather go through a hard time with! We are definitely looking forward to reading this blog someday, many years down the road, and laughing hysterically at all the craziness! I hope, anyway. :)
